When I started I didn’t know what I was doing. I was in so much pain. There had just been too much death. So many things unsaid, undone, and things that can’t ever be undone. Where I didn’t ever want to sleep, because I never wanted to wake up and have to do the remembering again. I did anything and everything I could to distract myself from it. I still do it today, but the distractions have become slightly less self-destructive. Like this, it is a distraction.